Arguing with your partner? You might be making these common mistakes…

Conflict is normal in relationships, but how you argue matters more than what you're arguing about.

Here are five common mistakes couples make during arguments (and a few innovative ways to handle them):

❌ Blame Mode: “YOU need to change!”

Pointing fingers leads to defensiveness, not solutions. Be curious, not critical.

❌ Getting Louder = Being Heard?

Wrong. yelling, sarcasm, or withholding intimacy only builds resentment. Calm, clear communication works better.

❌ Fleeing vs. Chasing

One shuts down, the other pushes harder. Does this sound familiar? This loop never ends well. Try time-outs and agree to come back to it.

❌ Keeping Score

No one wins when you’re tallying who’s done more wrong. Let go of “right vs wrong” and focus on rebuilding connection.

❌ Trying to solve It NOW

Big conflicts take time. Pushing for quick fixes can prevent deeper understanding. Stay in the conversation, even if it takes days.

Smarter arguing starts with...

✅ “Yes, and…” instead of “Yes, but…”

✅ Getting real about what the fight is really about

✅ Vulnerability, not blame

✅ Finding shared values, not fault lines

Consider that both of you are right. It is easy to fall into the black-and-white concepts of right and wrong, win and lose.

💙 Want to argue smarter and reconnect better?

Book an appointment with Merle at TwoOceans Therapeutic Connections—your local Clinical Psychosexual Therapist and Mental Health Social Worker. Let's build the skills to turn conflict into connection.

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